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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Damn, man. Tired and lonely isn't where I wanted to be. It feels nice to make the clack of the keys though, and watch the words appear, disjointed as ever.

Billy Corgan's blog is amazing.

Sometimes it seems like no matter how happy I get, there's always something lurking. Secretive Daphney and I feel inadequate, out of the loop. Promises look hollow and vague.
Waking up with her is the nicest. Legs looping into each other. Languid, lazy, naked.
The worst part is uncertainty. I don't know where we'll be even tomorrow, sometimes. Things that bug me stay with me. I'm not low maintenance, and insecurity is going to live in me. I'm just looking for someone to tell me how much I mean.

Oh I don't know. I've loved one person, ever. I know shit about the world, I guess. Just a vaguely pretentious, needy, deluded and judgemental kid.

I miss Leticia. I miss lots of people.


Saturday, May 07, 2005

Why is the sky so beautiful?

The sky has majesty, but it's open to anyone. Just look up! The black clouds are chasing the ones tinted orange by the delicious sun. That cloud looks like a scribble in my work. I wonder what it's hiding. The skinny ones behind it wisp about, static on the conveyor belt that brings me cloud upon cloud for pleasure and interpretation and love. It brings the same chilling, warm feeling as 'I love you', and 'Fran, you're beautiful'.

People say that German is ugly and brutal, but they probably know two words (one of them being heil). Sometimes it has the right lilt.

Super Mario continues to enthrall, as does science. In my mind he jumps, combining elements in crazy ways. The sound effects permeate my chemistry brain.

In maths it's beautiful too. Numbers, letters, patterns and thoughts combine in each question. I scribble over two pages to get the answer I know is right before I even check. They all shoot past me as I vanquish them, to a soundtrack of bad rock music as my bones start to thrill.

The clouds have changed. They look like an army now, trailing left to right. One's a slug, a few are airships. (Marcia, you were awesome by the way).

I'm the only person in my neighborhood who's looking at the clouds in this way. I know, because they voted Tory. Still, life's so alive.

I'm going now, to enjoy being. I enjoyed writing this. I'm grinning: love you all!

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