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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I'm finiskity, all of a sudden. Yesterday I worried my hair wasn't red anymore. In my dreams a precocious girl of nine told me I wasn't good enough to coach her. I asked Daphney if we're drifting away...

My head's off kilter. Things go... Writing's been lost to thinking. Panicuniversitypanic, as I try to think what happens when Cambridge reject me. (It's not that I love the place, it's just the course thumps my heart...)

University I'm going to be a loner anyway. At least there I can do it in style. (And my accommodation won't depend on having friends). Actually, the whole experience I'm anticipating as work, work, work and avoid the public school boys. All I want in life is work and love and kids. (Yes, it is probably too much to ask).

Fuck it, I am a loner (even though hugs and smiles mean the world). My one best friend in the world (who is a hug herself) probably won't be around then anyway. I love her.

(I love her so much I can feel my throat move when I think about her, and a missed weekend is like an asthma attack).

I just feel out of key at the moment...
I hate weird panicky things about school.. So stressful.
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