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Thursday, February 17, 2005
Ok, I lied.
I'm sitting here scared. The internet lets me go farther into myself than I wanted. Idle browsing shows purpose over hours of idle amusement.
Every link clicked lets the computer know me better. I've read and read, and my head hurts from knowledge, fear.
I need someone to hold onto when I'm like this. No one's close enough to anchor me to the real world. Only my eyes resist the melding with the computer.
Sometimes the computer's conspired against me, I can tell. When that track comes on as I'm reading the story the computer knows I'll love, I become so involved I'm out the other side. The gravity of love means I'm trapped.
Antimatter? Maybe God's antimatter. The other half of it from the very beginning [of time]. The meeting of the two a sweet oblivion. Heaven or hell?
I'm sitting here scared. The internet lets me go farther into myself than I wanted. Idle browsing shows purpose over hours of idle amusement.
Every link clicked lets the computer know me better. I've read and read, and my head hurts from knowledge, fear.
I need someone to hold onto when I'm like this. No one's close enough to anchor me to the real world. Only my eyes resist the melding with the computer.
Sometimes the computer's conspired against me, I can tell. When that track comes on as I'm reading the story the computer knows I'll love, I become so involved I'm out the other side. The gravity of love means I'm trapped.
Antimatter? Maybe God's antimatter. The other half of it from the very beginning [of time]. The meeting of the two a sweet oblivion. Heaven or hell?
