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Monday, January 24, 2005
Two things, because my feet are frozen and work needs to be done.
A) Leticia is writing again. (I don't know what else to say about it).
B) I fenced ok, hit my goal.
I was going to stay up there the whole weekend, but caught a lift so I could see Daphney on Sunday. I don't understand everything that goes on in her head. Or even more than the eensiest bit of it, to be honest. Anything I've learned is hard work, dug out of her protective stance and pieced together from anything I've ever read, ever. How can bad fiction tell me more about who she is than she can?
And worse, she thinks I know what's in her mind or what she's feeling. I hate seeing her removed from me. She's on my lap, she has her arms around me and the next moment she's away. I hate asking her mechanically if she's ok. Are you ok? I say, again and again. It's annoying and rubbish, but in-built. Corrected in next edition Fran, maybe.
All I want is to feel her cuddle up to me. To surprise me. To run to me with her heart gaping open, for me to fix it.
See, the thing is, I feel at the moment I'm bleeding myself into her. And I don't know if I can keep doing it.
A) Leticia is writing again. (I don't know what else to say about it).
B) I fenced ok, hit my goal.
I was going to stay up there the whole weekend, but caught a lift so I could see Daphney on Sunday. I don't understand everything that goes on in her head. Or even more than the eensiest bit of it, to be honest. Anything I've learned is hard work, dug out of her protective stance and pieced together from anything I've ever read, ever. How can bad fiction tell me more about who she is than she can?
And worse, she thinks I know what's in her mind or what she's feeling. I hate seeing her removed from me. She's on my lap, she has her arms around me and the next moment she's away. I hate asking her mechanically if she's ok. Are you ok? I say, again and again. It's annoying and rubbish, but in-built. Corrected in next edition Fran, maybe.
All I want is to feel her cuddle up to me. To surprise me. To run to me with her heart gaping open, for me to fix it.
See, the thing is, I feel at the moment I'm bleeding myself into her. And I don't know if I can keep doing it.
