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Thursday, January 27, 2005
I'm the distracted one today. Looking around for my memories. My brain handles one or two things only.
Homework exists as well, and so does real work. Shelves being put up.
I can't wait to be in my new room. I almost am.
German involves words that we don't know and a waste of life. Chemistry was fun. Stupidly badly prepared of course, but I filled two beautiful sheets with writing that described the macroscopic actions of millions and millions of di-elemental compounds. The same two elements, next to each other again and again to eternity. They get disrupted by another one or two or heat, and fall apart.
recombining of course.
It feels odd to hold an element. It's too pure. Too basic to explain to my vision the world. My brain can cope with it alright, I guess. I can accept on one level, and ignore on another.
and if I think like this just with chemistry, imagine what I'll be like when I start particle physics.
Lunch was the primary school again, and I realised that I'm the biggest person in the entire building. Male presence needed there. I wondered what to do about the kid who's a shit. He's mean and disruptive and causes pain everywhere. He attacks people.
I want to believe there's something good somewhere in him, but I don't.
I had the privilege of an assembly on university admissions. Scary (ish). But still, I'll just not believe some of what he said.
Writing my personal statement should be easy though. It appears to be about bullshitting that your life's ambition is whatever you happen to be applying for. (since I dropped English I can't spell).
It'll be easy to lie. It won't hurt putting down my love for science, because I'll pretend it's literature and that I'm just lucky, because it won't hurt so bad if I get rejected.
Anyway, it's not like I'm going soon. I have a year and a half of school. Then a year of voluntary work overseas hopefully, which I'm looking at now.
I hope I do volunteer, and that someone I know comes with me and we have the best time. Ever.
Homework exists as well, and so does real work. Shelves being put up.
I can't wait to be in my new room. I almost am.
German involves words that we don't know and a waste of life. Chemistry was fun. Stupidly badly prepared of course, but I filled two beautiful sheets with writing that described the macroscopic actions of millions and millions of di-elemental compounds. The same two elements, next to each other again and again to eternity. They get disrupted by another one or two or heat, and fall apart.
recombining of course.
It feels odd to hold an element. It's too pure. Too basic to explain to my vision the world. My brain can cope with it alright, I guess. I can accept on one level, and ignore on another.
and if I think like this just with chemistry, imagine what I'll be like when I start particle physics.
Lunch was the primary school again, and I realised that I'm the biggest person in the entire building. Male presence needed there. I wondered what to do about the kid who's a shit. He's mean and disruptive and causes pain everywhere. He attacks people.
I want to believe there's something good somewhere in him, but I don't.
I had the privilege of an assembly on university admissions. Scary (ish). But still, I'll just not believe some of what he said.
Writing my personal statement should be easy though. It appears to be about bullshitting that your life's ambition is whatever you happen to be applying for. (since I dropped English I can't spell).
It'll be easy to lie. It won't hurt putting down my love for science, because I'll pretend it's literature and that I'm just lucky, because it won't hurt so bad if I get rejected.
Anyway, it's not like I'm going soon. I have a year and a half of school. Then a year of voluntary work overseas hopefully, which I'm looking at now.
I hope I do volunteer, and that someone I know comes with me and we have the best time. Ever.
