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Thursday, December 16, 2004
I took the trains to Camden, walked around with a map in my hand trying to find a store. The trains there make crying-baby noises, and the people come straight out of comic sketches.
Someone's dog got loose and bit a guy in the thigh as I watched. I was fairly nervous of all the kids who walk too near me,with a glint of threat in my mind.
Anyway, I Don't really like the dark at all. I'm phobic of haunted houses (yes the fairground ones), and hate hate hate the early dusk and late dawn.
All those cookies I baked were for nothing; the playgroup was cancelled because people hadn't turned up yesterday or the day before. But I've turned up every week all year on Thursday with my friend, and I had made all that effort and I wanted to see cheery faces and a mad scramble for the cookies.
Oh well, it's the same reaction I'll get in school anyway.
Today I also learnt my Gaydar is spectacularly, majestically wrong. The boy (who I thought was wonderfully and huggably gay) was kissing his girlfriend.
I've been reading 'The Importance of Being Earnest' out loud on the train, and 'Playing with Infinity' not out loud on the train. One's genius, and that's what there is to say about it. The maths one is meant to be friendly, and sort of is. But it's done with a lot of hand-waving and she doesn't realise that brief isn't friendly, but just confusing. It's still good though.
If I become a teacher I don't want to be seen as a failure. I'll so need to be appreciated, and I'm sure I won't be enthralling enough for them. Most jobs don't matter: incompetence means nothing, because it's just a corporation. If you fuck up teaching, you can fuck up someone's life or their complete comprehension and love of a subject.
Risk-reward structure... mmmmm..
Someone's dog got loose and bit a guy in the thigh as I watched. I was fairly nervous of all the kids who walk too near me,with a glint of threat in my mind.
Anyway, I Don't really like the dark at all. I'm phobic of haunted houses (yes the fairground ones), and hate hate hate the early dusk and late dawn.
All those cookies I baked were for nothing; the playgroup was cancelled because people hadn't turned up yesterday or the day before. But I've turned up every week all year on Thursday with my friend, and I had made all that effort and I wanted to see cheery faces and a mad scramble for the cookies.
Oh well, it's the same reaction I'll get in school anyway.
Today I also learnt my Gaydar is spectacularly, majestically wrong. The boy (who I thought was wonderfully and huggably gay) was kissing his girlfriend.
I've been reading 'The Importance of Being Earnest' out loud on the train, and 'Playing with Infinity' not out loud on the train. One's genius, and that's what there is to say about it. The maths one is meant to be friendly, and sort of is. But it's done with a lot of hand-waving and she doesn't realise that brief isn't friendly, but just confusing. It's still good though.
If I become a teacher I don't want to be seen as a failure. I'll so need to be appreciated, and I'm sure I won't be enthralling enough for them. Most jobs don't matter: incompetence means nothing, because it's just a corporation. If you fuck up teaching, you can fuck up someone's life or their complete comprehension and love of a subject.
Risk-reward structure... mmmmm..
