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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I look at Daphney and she's my bedroom Nefertiti. Not in any real way of course, just that it's what my brain calls her. Pale skin, black hair. In my shirt looking curled up and safe.
Today we went round her friend's house, sat on the couch and joked and talked and I love it. I love seeing her: how she fawns and makes people feel safe and genuinely believes it all too. She's trying too hard, of course, but lovelily so. And she's different around me. Which means I'm maybe the only one seeing her for real (which makes my inner man uncurl from his ball and stretch). Either that or it's a different fake, but pfff...
She said she can be free new year's if I want, but I said don't be ridiculous. Go to your party and drink and whatever it is you do. I want to do something with her, because I'm a closet romantic. But I won't. How can I make it as perfect as what I'll dream?
Speaking of dreams, my mother told me she had a nightmare, that Daphney was pregnant. It paranoided me about 15%, because accidents can happen. But that's a hurdle I don't need.
So yeah, new year's eve I'll most likely be sitting here or in bed. Maybe I'll follow Lucinda somwhere though, which would be great, but unlikely. Ah well. School soon, so work. Night.
Today we went round her friend's house, sat on the couch and joked and talked and I love it. I love seeing her: how she fawns and makes people feel safe and genuinely believes it all too. She's trying too hard, of course, but lovelily so. And she's different around me. Which means I'm maybe the only one seeing her for real (which makes my inner man uncurl from his ball and stretch). Either that or it's a different fake, but pfff...
She said she can be free new year's if I want, but I said don't be ridiculous. Go to your party and drink and whatever it is you do. I want to do something with her, because I'm a closet romantic. But I won't. How can I make it as perfect as what I'll dream?
Speaking of dreams, my mother told me she had a nightmare, that Daphney was pregnant. It paranoided me about 15%, because accidents can happen. But that's a hurdle I don't need.
So yeah, new year's eve I'll most likely be sitting here or in bed. Maybe I'll follow Lucinda somwhere though, which would be great, but unlikely. Ah well. School soon, so work. Night.
