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Monday, November 15, 2004

I'm slightly less tired now.

I want a diary. One with thin lines, and a colourful binding and a scent to it. So in maths I can relax and lie my head into it for a minute, and then be revitalised.

Oh it's hard to write in this house. My computer's in the hallway, and I have to stop every time my brother walks past. Like now. . .

But yeah, diary... 'I Capture the Castle' makes me want one. Either that or a laptop. Something secret where I can write when I want, without having to dodge eyes so prying I'm scared they can see through my clothes.

Are laptops unromantic? Someone told me that they didn't like digital cameras because they didn't want digital memories. And someone else scolded me for using a mechanical pencil. 'It's nice when they're blunt.' Maybe I'm just cold and practical. Or warm and modern I guess.

Anyway, anything I use for leisure has a huge effect on me... 'Marmalade Boy' makes me want to go to Japanese high. It sickens me though, how I can never live like they do. So innocently and trusting and OBSESSED with love. Love in a 'first kiss' sense... I can't believe in that. I don't think I have ever. I know it's not real life, but... The first time I saw 'Grease' I wanted to undo it (yeah how lame, but...) I don't want to believe that love comes so easy to people. Because if it's something like that, I'll wait around for it to happen to me. And what if it doesn't?

I can't believe in it like that, because I'll be terrified it will never happen.

Anyway it's taken me over 15 minutes to get this far, and I don't ever want my brother to see this blog so I have to stop. I'll indulge my feelings some other time. Promise.

Comments:
You inspired me. My whole next post is in response to part of this one...

Oh, and make sure you're erasing your tracks in your computer's history if you're worried about snooping family members, that's how my mother found my last blog... SOOOOOOO annoying- I'll never live at home again.
 
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