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Monday, October 04, 2004
Oh, comments seems to be broken, at least for me... Oh well. And google's down, so I can't check my normal mail either... *huff*
Oh well.
Don't you hate it when you're all worked up, over nothing? My internal dialogue keeps making me ask stupid questions... Especially to my girlfriend. I know she's happy. I can see it.
The other day I was round hers, watching film. She was scrumptious: posing for me like a rag-doll, looking like a manga character with her legs beneath her skirt. She kept looking, smiling, kissing... The look said I love you: I was scared.
Not that I'm a commitment-phobe. I'm not. I said I loved her before and she threw it back at me... Before we were out again.
But yeah. I was thinking back to our beginning. I was so excited. 'I met a girl who interrupts more than I do!' And I got a friend 'by accident' to chat to her, on MSN. The friend fed me the information I so desparately wanted to hear: girl did fancy me.
And so we met, in front of Smith's. Her 15 minutes late, me standing there practising looking cool. Saw a film, held hands. Walked around looking for a photo-booth. I was happier than I could've been. I was here: look. With a real, pretty, sweet girl happy on my arm. That was enough. It took me another month or two or three to kiss her... Making sure it wouldn't end us.
It could never be that again. My studied 'cool' is too sharp, my mind reprogrammed from Sweet Valley education to... What she expects.
I've changed so much for her, or because of her. I hope she knows it.
Oh well.
Don't you hate it when you're all worked up, over nothing? My internal dialogue keeps making me ask stupid questions... Especially to my girlfriend. I know she's happy. I can see it.
The other day I was round hers, watching film. She was scrumptious: posing for me like a rag-doll, looking like a manga character with her legs beneath her skirt. She kept looking, smiling, kissing... The look said I love you: I was scared.
Not that I'm a commitment-phobe. I'm not. I said I loved her before and she threw it back at me... Before we were out again.
But yeah. I was thinking back to our beginning. I was so excited. 'I met a girl who interrupts more than I do!' And I got a friend 'by accident' to chat to her, on MSN. The friend fed me the information I so desparately wanted to hear: girl did fancy me.
And so we met, in front of Smith's. Her 15 minutes late, me standing there practising looking cool. Saw a film, held hands. Walked around looking for a photo-booth. I was happier than I could've been. I was here: look. With a real, pretty, sweet girl happy on my arm. That was enough. It took me another month or two or three to kiss her... Making sure it wouldn't end us.
It could never be that again. My studied 'cool' is too sharp, my mind reprogrammed from Sweet Valley education to... What she expects.
I've changed so much for her, or because of her. I hope she knows it.
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