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Saturday, June 05, 2004

Sorry... I wish I had kept up the writing recently.
So much has happened. Since Wednesday.

In brief, cogent prose?

Finished relationship, on a good, clear, resonant note. It had been too long to last without the substance of false emotion, or the expression of real.

It was beautiful... We slept together, in the same bed, talking all night. The feeling of waking up with something so human and warm next to me... Meatily delicious.

We avoided sex, as we had for all of our time. I'll be glad some time, when I meet someone who I love.

We saw The Killers.

I wrote.

I revised.

Maybe I'll post some of it. But don't expect anything other than teenage angst shit.

I'm tired and ok. Ok really. Life still. is. there.

But she's woken up my emotions. And it isn't... Fun...

I feel so sick to read about the latest news... I feel so sick to think about what my friends have been through compared to me. I can't bear to consider how miserable human life is. It makes me ashamed to be male. And the worst thing is, it is male male male male who fucks everything up.

Gang rape? Fights? Enforced prostitution? Just fuck it. Having a dick shouldn't do all this. And it's terrible to know that I am numbered. It can't be long before I heed my dick or the testosterone kicking through me and damage. I don't care who. I don't want to exist like this. I don't want to know about all the horror sometimes. I want someone big and strong to hold me and tell me... Fran. You're not like them.

Except I am. Thanks circumstance. Really.

I am glad I face obliteration at death
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