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Thursday, June 24, 2004

I dreamt of... Of an endless run with a mobile phone, debating our accents, with Wayne Rooney. He's not so Scouse in my dreams. Apparently I speak like a newsreader.
And there was a car journey, with me in the driving seat and E in the passenger seat, snuggled in a pure white duvet. Leaning on me, with my hand clutching the gearstick under her body (YES it WAS a gearstick! I can't help the filthiness of automotive instruments!). We kept travelling, depite my ineptitude with the clutch.
And then we went to the back, and she slept with her hand cupped around my balls... And I held her and she looked so... So sweet. Petrol-black hair decorating the duvet.

I came to the conclusion that I only dream of people I can't have. And I can't have her be mine... Which is ok long-term, but as I said. I attach myself easy and don't want to let go.

So my plan of action? Hm. I acknowledge now with my heart as well as my mind that sex isn't necessary for me to exist. It isn't. It should be loving. I'll wait...
If I can.

So, I want her to be loved too. I'll ask her to promise to wait for someone she cares about, and then I'll be ok.
Comments:
*shrug*
*grins*
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