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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

As asymptotic line of loathing and vitriol spreads through my bones. Never little enough to stop, never good enough to end it.
Not that it matters. I'm not going anywhere except through the motions, by which i'll arrive at... Who knows? Not I.

But enough.

French was this morning. I couldn't get pornographic thoughts away from the comic strip we had to caption, but hey, y'know... Not exactly a pity seeing as I had half an hour to waste.

I realise my posting is really not too central on theme and tangentially veers from ok to despicable angst -- I'll get better, I promise.

...

What am I meant to do when I'm hopelessly tangled in a friendship of love? Since breaking up I'm back onto her like we should've been all along.
We're like little kids with tin-can phones, leaning out of our bed-room windows. Oh no, busted! People walk in as I'm on the phone all night, pouring my heart into digitally encrypted emissions. Told off for not sleeping before exams.
But E? How can I love her so much? When she whispers 'you won't forget me will you? There's much better people to remember'. Yeah so what? I have a lead attached to her... She can pull me wherever she wants.

I love to give myself over to someone. If she told me she'd catch me, I'd jump, crashing through the ceiling like a messerschmidt. Falling into her arms like a million cliches, all reversed as she carried me over the threshold of this life, as she put a knife in my back, and whispered softly, oh so softly, into my ear:

'I love you'
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