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Thursday, May 20, 2004

As I confuse yet another person by rambling in semi-lyrical style, I think how much better it would be to transfer some of it to here.
I'm thinking of becoming vegetarian. In short, just because I don't care about having animals slaughtered in their prime of life doesn't mean it's ok. Eating meat seems more and more to be the domain of people who put animals and humans in separate boxes: I don't know if that's good for me anymore.

And I also thought and dreamt, as one can do when it's study leave and great mocks have caused complacency. I think about... Spraying my school'mates' with shrapnel, about separating masses of bodies with caustic intent. NERD? maybe NIERD. Noone innocent ever really dies. At least not in my world.

I'm scared that i'm entering a plane where I can only feel for myself. Half tempted to search out that execution on the web, half explosively political. The Americans' torture was worse than the decapitation. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's more shocking? No. Because it didn't shock me. Is it more predictable? Perhaps, but that is not a problem.

The problem I have is that the Americans tortured gleefully. The American was killed with great weight: his death mattered. The detainees at the jail were just idle playthings. At least the American was considered a tool, a means.
The prisoners didn't have that. They'll have a past to look back on that has ruined their lives.

So I'll guide myself through life eyeing pitfalls without emotion.

I can feel love though I believe. That most blissfully selfish of emotions. Next time: decadent guilts.
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