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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Very happy today. Wait, no I'm not, I'm absolutely and resolutely miserable. Or am I?
With my schoolmate's, it is good at the moment. An enjoyable lunchtime debate of looks v personality... Hey I didn't even feel above it for once; I'm proud of myself.
With family, I guess it's ok... Well apart from the late night raucous fucking of the parents. I can't stand it: I know, objectively, that they do. I don't care. BUT I would like to be able to get some sleep, especially as I've already been forced to bed.
With girlfriend it is shitey. She told me her family was a bit fucked at the mo': not what was going on.
She said it was over. Her family's arguments that is. And now... she's acting weirdly.
Not like she ever made time anyway: I was always at her beck and call. But now... I have't seen her in 2 weeks? Probably. We've barely spoken, and when we do it's stuttering and nothing. Argumentative was one thing was we never were: and now she's petty and triumphalist.
She knows I'm more intelligent than her, but I never thought she resented it: now she's bitter, and doesn't want to know any of my marks for mocks...
Oh well...
And R. Some (other) girl I met at a party. We really fucked each other up good for a while. Then we haven't spoken in months. Every word is acrid, like it's a battle to think of a pleasantry.
So I talked to her a minute the other day. Told her, comically, that I had 'attacked myself with a knife'. Which I had.
She's right: I'm an attention-seeking little fuck.
With my schoolmate's, it is good at the moment. An enjoyable lunchtime debate of looks v personality... Hey I didn't even feel above it for once; I'm proud of myself.
With family, I guess it's ok... Well apart from the late night raucous fucking of the parents. I can't stand it: I know, objectively, that they do. I don't care. BUT I would like to be able to get some sleep, especially as I've already been forced to bed.
With girlfriend it is shitey. She told me her family was a bit fucked at the mo': not what was going on.
She said it was over. Her family's arguments that is. And now... she's acting weirdly.
Not like she ever made time anyway: I was always at her beck and call. But now... I have't seen her in 2 weeks? Probably. We've barely spoken, and when we do it's stuttering and nothing. Argumentative was one thing was we never were: and now she's petty and triumphalist.
She knows I'm more intelligent than her, but I never thought she resented it: now she's bitter, and doesn't want to know any of my marks for mocks...
Oh well...
And R. Some (other) girl I met at a party. We really fucked each other up good for a while. Then we haven't spoken in months. Every word is acrid, like it's a battle to think of a pleasantry.
So I talked to her a minute the other day. Told her, comically, that I had 'attacked myself with a knife'. Which I had.
She's right: I'm an attention-seeking little fuck.
